The Title is ______.

it's about that time

well. it is 9:53 pm and i am exhausted, but all i really did today was go out to eat. three times. i must say that i was not hungry in the slightest degree by the time the third meal came around. alot of times i eat because it is time to eat, not because i am hungry. I have a difficult time breaking life patterns. i sometimes wish that my life patterns were different, but unfortunately i do not have a good track record for breaking habits. its kinda like getting adicted to your life. you dont always like it, but you cant really imagine doing anything else. in fact, any change--even a good change--is disruptive and a little painful. a few minutes ago i walked into the coffee shop where kris is doing work. my plan was to be young and vibrant/ artistic/ fun loving/ night-on-the-town kind of girl and stay up til the wee hours sipping coffee and hanging out at a hip cafe with my boyfriend. instead, i sat down and yawned. K just looked at the clock, noticed that it was roughly 10 pm and said, "it's about that time" and shook his head...which really means "whoa, ten o'clock. biiiiiiig surprise. this is the time every evening that you get really tired and boring and just go to bed." here i sit, desperately attempting to redeem the time by posting on my often neglected blog, but my body is in the habit of entering sleep mode at approximately ten thirty-ish every day. oh, the exciting urban life i life in my head. the person i am inside my head is far, far more exciting than the one in real life. honestly, that is a bit concerning to me. recently, Kris and i have not been relating to each other that well. some of it has to do with extenuating circumstances, but alot of it has to do with the fact that we continue in the relationship because it is part of the habit of life. The heart of the matter is that no one wants to become a habit, just something that you keep around because it's always there. people tell me that eventually the romance dies after the excitement and newness dulls. it has got to be possible to become the person i am in my head. there are hints of that person when i play my guitar for people and when i mingle with people at the club, but other than that my life is filled with generic, regular, boring habits. i even usually eat the same thing for breakfast each day for several weeks. (after all, if peanut butter toast was good enough for me yesterday, it sure as hell will be good enough for me today!) well. it is about that time. until then, k

posted by k.o. @ 1:37 AM