The Title is ______.

ho ho ho (a.k.a. did you see me at the pump?)

last night i witnessed the most amazing thing. allow me to share with you. i had just stopped by a gas station after a pleasant day at work. i swiped my card, selected the grade and started operating the pump. to my right was a middle-aged man of african decent also quietly keeping to himself and pumping gas.

then it happened.

in a flash of blinding light, squealing tires and balls of fire (actually just squealing tires) a smoky-charcoal-colored car pulled up on the other side of the pump where the man was still filling his tank. the woman driving the vehicle (for all the hurry she exuded upon arrival) spent several minutes in the driver's seat.

let it be known that it was roughly 5:15pm and the station was packed. i.e. limited pumps, unlimited cars waiting.

a man driving a white truck pulled into the station, noted the woman in the other vehicle, rolled down his window and called "are you done?"

a legitimate question, some would say. the woman (with full rage of fury) responded, "WHAT! WHAT!".

the man (slightly annoyed) called back in a louder tone, "ARE YOU DONE?"

what transpired next involved countless F-words and wild gesticulations as the woman in question literally got out of her car , began to lumber toward the truck and repeated the phrase, "Do i LOOK done?" over and over and over again in a threatening manner. whenever she took a breath the man in the truck (also angry at this point) shouted "I-DON'T-KNOW-THAT'S-WHY-I-ASKED-WHAT-THE-HELL-IS-YOUR-PROBLEM"

aforementioned woman screamed something like "NO. NO. oh NO NO. DID you see me at the Pump? DID you see me at the Pump? NO. DID you see me at the pump?"

by this time, my gas tank was long-since full. i, however, was transfixed. i quickly stole a glance at the middle-aged man on my right. he was staring at the ground with the slightest hint of a smile beginning to twitch at the corners of his mouth. i desperately fought the urge to giggle. it was like that feeling you get when something horrible and funny happens at a funeral. only worse, because heaven forbid that i inadvertently draw the attention of a large angry woman upon myself. the beast was loose, probably rabid, and i was no longer shielded by the safe protection of the inside of my car. i was completely exposed. i tried to think of it as though i was up against a pack of wild dogs. the danger increases if you make any sudden movements...

i tuned in to the shouting match once more and found that it had evolved. the woman was now shouting, "YOU don't even F-ing KNOW me. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. NO. (expletive, expletive, no no, expletive) oh no. no no NO. You don't know me. (commence wagging of finger, swiveling of head and a resurgence of "did you see me at the pump")

this eloquent monologue was accented by retorts of " MA'AM. i never said...ma'am i NEVER...I NEVER SAID I KNEW YOU." it was practically a dance remix.

i do not think i can accurately say just how long this continued. in moments like these, the very earth ceases to spin and everything is frozen in a fragile discomfort wherein i am afraid to breathe lest i throw the balance and all is lost.

in the end, the man in the white truck pealed out of the gas station saying "(unintelligible mumble jumble) CRAZY (mumble mutter)". the woman, still bobbing and swiveling, screamed "you don't know me" and "why you all up in my business" and "did you see me at the pump"

to my great shock, the woman turned around and began to heave and ho (ho ho) in my direction. i have never so quickly become intimately fascinated with my fingernails.

the woman bulldozed passed me and barreled into the mini-mart to (i assume) prepay for her gas. her swivel had somewhat subsided, though she did continue the "did you see me at the pump" mantra at a lesser volume.

i turned and looked at the quiet man whose gas tank was now most certainly full. our eyes locked. i grinned. the man chuckled softly.



i love the christmas season.

posted by k.o. @ 8:15 AM