nobody knows de trouble i seen
...nobody knows but jesus.*** i am fairly troubled this morning. i spent the whole night tossing and turning, battling one bad dream after another. what sparked this? well, a blog entry by a most dearly beloved friend. i won't go into specifics, but i'll say that it was sobering. i spent a good hour on my knees last night before bed.
i am concerned about the state of the church today. sometimes it frightens me. there are days when i only feel a sense of hopelessness. in these moments, it is difficult to keep myself centered and grounded on the Truth. The Truth that God ultimately is in control and i am not. That Jesus sought after the sinners and the lost causes. That he continues to do so. That the people who do the most heinous of things are in most need of a savior. That they should spark compassion in me.
Here are lyrics to a song by Sufjan Stevens. The song is about John Wayne Gacy Jr., a serial killer in the '70's who murdered 33 boys and men and buried 27 of them beneath his house. (look on Wikipedia for more details) Surly this man is the worst of the worst, right? well read through to the last stanza.
his father was a drinker
and his mother cried in bed
folding john wayne's t-shirts
when the swingset hit his head
the neighbors they adored him
for his humor and his conversation
look underneath the house there
find the few living things
rotting fast in their sleep of the dead
twenty-seven people, even more
they were boys with their cars, summer jobs
oh my god
he dressed up like a clown for them
with his face paint
white and red
and on his best behavior
in a dark room on the bed he kissed them all
he'd kill ten thousand people
with a sleight of his hand
running far, running fast to the dead
he took off all their clothes for them
he put a cloth on their lips
quiet hands, quiet kiss
on the mouth
and on my best behavior
i am really just like him
look beneath the floorboards
for the secrets i have hid
that's the truth. Have we forgotten that our hearts are just as dead on the inside? when we move into an Us/Them mentality, the battle is lost. anyway.
1 Comments:
excellent and meaningful post darlin. I too have wrestled with the same thoughts and found taht particular line of that song so poignant. Jesus may be the only one who knows ALL of it, but you have some eartly kin in your troubles too....
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