heartaches and asian food
last night i spent the greater part of my evening with two close friends. I felt incredibly emotionally raw going into it because of the rapid acceleration of my life. My heart was full and heavy with both joy and sorrow. and as it turns out, my friends were feeling much the same way. i feel stuck and trapped inside mixed emotions of guilt and affirmation. i hate feeling as though i have let someone down. part of my heart is ready/terrified/excited to embark on another part of the great adventure of life. but a hefty chunk of my heart is equally terrified/terrified/terrified of leaving the place i have grown to call "home" for the better part of two years, of leaving the community which has walked along side of me through tremendous healing, of being forgotten, of not being needed, of once again feeling painfully lost and ungrounded. of feeling unsettled, of losing my home base. I feel desperate, to tell you the truth. desperate in my need for the gospel. desperate for my community not to think i have abandoned them, desperate not to be shut out. desperate for restored relationships. I am desperately thankful to be in this position of great need. i discovered last night that i was literally and figuratively starving. i was starving for fellowship, for more of christ, for the healing of sickness in my community, and for asian food. tofu, coconut milk, udon noodles and chopsticks were agents of great change. several hours of conversation and bowls of hot asian cuisine later, i found that i was delightfully and most satisfyingly full-- mind, body and soul. i felt relieved of the fear that i have already been written off. i once again felt the freedom to LIVE here. my hope is that my last five months in pittsburgh will be lived to the full. full of great people and great food.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home