The Title is ______.

i don't hate you.

today, my older sister and her family begin the move out of their apartment and into my parent's house. my family is hilarious. we've reached that point where age is irrelevant and i rarely grow weary of being with them. i have a niece who turns two in a month and a nephew just under five months old (pictures to come.) they provide us with much entertainment.

when my family gathers together, we usually spend our time feasting on fine food, wine and conversations. sometimes, i love to sit back and listen. discussions on theology, society, literary works, art, film, science, and music take place on a regular basis. my father studied English Literature once upon a time, and something of his deep love for the written word managed to creep its way into the very center of my developing mind. My first love is music. but music is a funny thing and, at a foundational level, i believe it to be a pure form of language. Language has the ability to wound and heal. this being said, it is possible to do both with art.

i firmly believe that artists have a responsibility to heal. I am not convinced that we should ever exercise the "freedom" to wound and damage (although, sadly, there are some who believe that simply because a thing can be done, it should be done.) At the same time, art of any medium should, at very least, challenge its viewer. it should do something.

i was watching this TV show where one character, after being asked if she hated the questioner, responded by saying, "i don't hate you. i nothing you." i suppose that's how i feel about some pieces of art. i nothing them. then i mentally slap a "safe" sticker on top of it. i have come to believe that safety is not a real thing. or, at least, safe does not = good or desirable. This believe has had a profound impact on how i approach other disciplines.

it has been my delight to discover that the more advanced each discipline becomes, the more the differentiating lines between them are blurred. What would happen if people world-wide decided to stick with the comfort of what we already know? what would that do for medicine? for science? imagine if people universally concluded that there was nothing left to discover or learn. that certainly would feel more safe...things that are unknown make us squirm. But as soon as i begin to feel safe, i become complacent, i plateau, i become dead. I believe the discomfort of squirmy-growing pains are a sign of life, and each person is responsible for continual forward motion.

my brother and i had a great conversation last night over some wine. We discussed how differently we interact with the world around us; I, the artist and he, the art appreciator. let me start by stating that my brother is well schooled in the arts and dabbles, shall we say, in piano and voice. a fine musician with a moderate degree of creativity in those areas. he also just brought home a fairly impressive bust which he crafted in his sculpture class at school. it is indeed a curious thing that he should consider himself a "non-artist".

my brother talked about the risk the art appreciator takes by opening themselves up to a piece of art. it is new; it is unknown. You surrender to the art and allow it to influence you (for good or ill). It is the difference between using the art and receiving the art. The risk is necessary--without it, you haven't learned anything new; you've just imposed your own self on the art. you haven't listened, you haven't received.

this part of the conversation led to this question: At what point is the artist responsible for what is communicated? (will it heal or wound.) My brother proposed that perhaps the artist should not "close his eyes" and let whatever comes out come out. shouldn't the artist be careful and intentional about exactly what is being said? perhaps. but I disagreed slightly. i often feel i have very little control when it comes to the way my music shapes itself. As for art being a means of communication, a language...i must confess that don't always consciously think about the "vocabulary" i use. each piece is a little entity of its own. it takes shape and goes in directions i would never have thought of. the act of surrendering to the work is equally important for the artist and the art appreciator.

the point at which i am responsible comes well before the actual work evolves. The groundwork for all art is laid way ahead of time. whatever comes out is a direct result of what has come in. therein lies the artist's responsibility. ultimately, we are each responsible to god for our choices and actions.

It is far too easy for artists to get caught up in a sort of mistily ambiguous manner of speech when discussing their craft. that's probably because the things we really want to say are said best through our art. even so, it is good to articulate these things as clearly as possible lest we reach a point where we think ourselves without need of others.

an artist friend of mine talks about artists needing the church as a "chastening agent". this is a fascinating concept to me. how easy it would be to go run off with a bunch of other artists because they "get" me. but i need input other than that of my own design. In the same way, the church desperately needs artists. Each side is guilty of denying its need for the other.

it takes hard work to learn each others languages, but i believe that it can be done. My recent relocation has been difficult in some ways, but i am excited to meet new people and find ways to engage with them.

even if i find people i don't automatically like, it is far better than not finding them at all. after all, i'm not particularly interested in safety. i'm interested in life, and the more people i meet who are un-like me, the better chance i have of making really good art. i love my family. on paper, it wouldn't look like we'd get along as well as we do: my father is a pastor, my mother does counseling, my older sister is a nurse-practitioner, my younger sister studies spanish, her twin brother studies physics and i write songs. not to mention, my niece and nephew will grow up speaking swahili (they move to africa in six weeks.) yet somehow, we'd practically rather be around each other than anyone else.

anyway, a little friction here and there never hurt anybody. iron sharpens iron. it's nice to be home.

posted by k.o. @ 9:18 AM