help help! the sky is falling!
it has most definitely been an everything at once kind of week. "A" of all, i have an illness. again. i wonder if my imune system was weakened by my short bout with mono this past summer. you would think that enough time would have passed by, but current evidence points to the contrary. honestly i think my body is telling me to slow-the-freak down. i seem to have this inability to set aside the time to assess myself. engage in personal reflection. that sort of thing. i undervalue its importance to the degree that my physical self eventually is forced to yell ENOUGH and shuts down. for like a week. i am on day four of the shut down. unfortunately (for my body) i had about a million things to do in that time. i know it always works out in the end, but it is the in between time that makes me nervous. oh yeah, and i lost my voice completely. not good. on the other hand, it could be a tangible way of god telling me to be still. stop running around. to be quiet and listen. stop squawking that the sky is falling and figure out what is really going on. see, the way i roll, i go months at a time with this GO GO GO mentality and then i have this HIT THE BRICK WALL week where everything from the past year hits me all at once. chicken little got hit with one acorn. i get pelted from all sides by angry apple trees straight out of the wizard of oz. so here we go. put up your dukes, show me what you got (i'm just along for the ride). its like taking a week long intensive course instead of spacing it out over a semester. i never walk smoothly through life's journey. it is more like i have these incredibly painful growth spurts. nothing gradual here. even my relationships are ironed out in this unbelievable whirlwind of intense interactions resulting in a calm-after-the-storm phenomena. then i push the restart button and give the next few months a go. chicken little never had it so good. the biggest deal in his life was an acorn (and he got eaten in the end). it's the easiest thing thing in the world to save face and push through life. the greater challenge is finding the strength to be weak. i say, bring out the wolves! from this position of forced weakness, i am finally poised to take on the worst. chicken little thought he had to save the world. silly little chicken. it isnt about you. the story is so much bigger than that. can't wait til i figure out that the world does not need me to make sure it still goes 'round. i've got to learn how to tell the big deals from the not so big ones. i feel feverish. time to medicate the malady (body or soul? both, methinks.)
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