HOT DOG!
i am currently sitting in Hot Dogma, a glorious restaurant located in downtown Pgh owned and operated by two dear friends i went to college with. if you have yet to visit this delectible place, GET ON THE STICK. plus, they're fun people and they have free wireless. visit them at hotdogmapgh.com. anyway i had a really tasty hot dog after work and i thoroughly enjoyed it. i am waiting for M to finish cleaning the store (it is now closed for the night) so that we can go to a gallery crawl. I am ready for the night to get right on the town.
look here.
i just read a book called First Person Plural. It's an autobiography by a man with multiple personalities. read it. author=Cameron West, PhD. i cant really even process it right now so i have nothing further to say at the moment. peace
family ties
look people. families are messy. i happen to love mine fiercely, but there is still mess. each step we take toward uncovering the mess brings healing but also brings with it a small degree of pain. so. my brother is in pittsburgh for a few days before the two of us drive to boston for easter. i drove an hour to pick him up last night, but i dont really mind since he will be splitting the driving with me on the trip north. anyway we will have LOTS of time to talk during the next few days. it should be good. ain't nothing like family.
easter bunnies
i cant wait to go home to see my family.
they are incredible.
especially my niece.
you have no idea.
quote of the day
(quote) everyone is dumb (endquote). --DP, the most profound woman in my life.
the meaning of life
need i even say more? i think not.
adendum/revision. grace for this.
in my previous post i said that beauty is always accompanied by violence. but a dear friend's comment on this compells me to further clarify--for all of our sakes. perhaps a better way to say it is that from our broken condition we are able to recognize beauty because we equally identify with its contrasting opposite. it has been my experience that extraordinary art and works of beauty are often (*not always) the result of much pain. what i wanted to communicate is that the thing that is the most beautiful to me is the redemption of man through Christ. I marvel at the mystery that this thing of ultimate beauty was born out of the ultimate act of violence: man crucifying God incarnate. As we approach the end of the lenten season, it is only appropriate that we reflect on the fact that Christ's violent crucifixion birthed the most unthinkably beautiful and most fundamentally disruptive (and redemptive) moment in the history of the world. the fact of the cross--its violence and beauty--changes everything. maybe the line is blurred on a smaller scale. but in its most extreme form, the full weight of beauty hits me only when i take its opposite into consideration. i value other perspectives on this, as i do not claim to be in any way athoritative on the topic. please disagree with me. tell me your thoughts so that my perspective can widen. much love.
post-opera and other news (about grace)
so tosca was incredible. and i left with a very important lesson: you never know when you might run into a classmate of one of the kids you work with. then you have to talk to them the next day in school. the little voice in my head had to whisper to me "shhhh. don't worry...he's as scared of you as you are of him!" nothing quite like an unexpected run in with a third grader. AGH! they can't know about my real life! they might ask questions! truth is, i am more scared of questions from children then questions from adults because children have not yet mastered the delicate art of ignoring the obvious in conversation. ah well. we were all children once. and still, adults need obvious truth screamed at them. in the middle of the night, i got a call from a friend who was at a point of desperation. she is hurting in a way that i cannot understand or help. the conversation consisted of her yelling "FUCK" a lot and me yelling "I LOVE YOU" right back at her. that was all i had. because ultimately none of the answers lie with me. or any of us. the only way to face pain is to deal with it head on. honestly? the grace of god and the power of the resurrected christ is the only solution to the degree of pain and brokenness and evil and hurt we encounter in life. i could have chosen to yell "JESUS LOVES YOU" but when someone feels like there is no proof, words look cheap. in my opinion, the worst thing someone can do for a person who is wounded and hurting is to slap a jesus bandaid on their shredded, bleeding heart and send them on their way. jesus does love her and i am confident that he will hold on to her whether she likes it or not, but what she needs is a tangible manifestation of that love. i believe that we are allowed to experience pain so that we might more fully understand the mystery and violent beauty of grace and forgiveness. out of all of the songs i have written, my two favorite ones are about those two topics: grace and forgiveness. they are fundamentally critical to my understanding of the world. they strike a sense of awe and trembling into my spirit (as well they should!) and i am continually trying to figure out how it all works. i guess for me, the best part is that i probably won't reach a compact solution. speaking of the way things work, i was talking with another friend over dinner yesterday and he had an excellent question. he is a biologist/engineer who likes to solve problems/get answers. he said that he is sometimes sad that he, in a sense, has "all the answers" and therefore expereinces no mystery in life. he indicated that i seemed like a very religious person and told me that in some ways he envied that quality. he wished that there were more unknowns in the universe for him and wondered whether he would be better off knowing less and marveling more at the "mysterious". my heart hurt a lot at that moment. the mystery of god makes me tremble because i know it to be true. and it is unfathomable. i believe that science and faith do indeed work harmoniously together and as a christian, there is no need for fear at new discoveries. we should rejoice! because there is no end to the unknown. how many times in history have scientists believed that they knew everything there was to know about the human body? and yet we continue to learn more things. like i have said before, life is about the PROCESS. the journey. the running man (see post similarly titled). it is about pain and learning and experiencing. the reason why this is so violently beautiful is because beauty is always accompanied by violence. how would you know beauty unless you knew something of its absolute opposite? man's complete brokenness is what allows us to see with clearer eyes the things that are truly beautiful. and what do i consider beauty? that's easy. grace and forgiveness. or in one word, Christ.
re: my life.
Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
isn't it a lovely day to be caught in the rain
good morning everyone. i think today is gonna be awesome.
cue "FAT LADY"
yup. i am going to see Tosca tomorrow with a friend. he asked me sort of last-minute today and it seemed like a fine idea. (tosca is an opera). For all of you who live under the illusion that my musical preferences extend only to the folk/acoustic type, let you now be hereafter corrected. i. love. classical. music. love it. in fact, i studied it in undergrad and took such delightful classes as "opera workshop" and "counterpoint". I began as a piano major but switched to voice my second year. i studied under an extremely gifted vocal instructor and think of her every single time i smash my vocal chords to smitherines at smokey clubs. but i digress. to the opera! make haste! oh sweet nostalgia. your visits come far too long between.
ps
oh and about this marvelous man who loves me...have you heard the news? we're getting married. it is true. after 6 extraordinarily long years off and on, we are quite unexpectedly and most definitively ON. a big fat capital O capital N. to those of you who know some of the history, please do not have a heart attack and die. i would miss you dreadfully. if you wanna know more, feel free to ask. i got no secrets and no pride. did i mention that he loves me? well he does. and to him i would say likewise.
how oft and swift doth come the changing wind
i was in a perfectly fabulous mood when i left for work this morning. my entire workday, however, proved to be one of the most stressful ones i have had in a long time. legally i cannot go into much detail. suffice to say, i am just plain tired. and i need to go grocery shopping. on the upside, there is a marvelous man who loves me, and he has literally been a ray of light on this bleary, wet day. he probably won't always be a constant, but it is certainly nice to have today. Here is the important thing: I am encouraged when i remember that no matter how much my life changes, the one thing that remains the same is god. what a relief. i mean, honestly.
monday monday
monday morning. ahhhh. i feel great. life is good, god is good. i had a minimal fiasco earlier in the week re: my cell phone. loooong story short, i will be getting a new phone sometime in the next week or two. and a new phone number, so those of you who call me, i will keep you posted. to tell you all the truth, i am really excited about my life. It has dramatically and wonderfully changed over the past few weeks. yesterday, i had a difficult conversation with a close friend that went much better than it could have. i am also deeply thankful for the people in my community (who love me dearly.) recently i feel as though i have so much to say that i cannot possibly begin to say it all. my heart and head are full. so for now i will just say that this has been the most incredible lenten season i have ever experienced. for some reason, i am the beneficiary of unfathomable grace, mercy, provision and protection. well, i am off. it is time to whistle while i work.
